As Shepton bathes in glorious sunshine, it is awfully quiet outside for a change. Not even the chavs have bothered to head outside for the day - despite the gloriousness. Maybe things have changed since I've been in Lowestoft, perhaps they've all left for less depressing areas - Bristol perhaps? Chance would be a fine thing.
The one thing that has changed it seems, is my next door neighbour or rather, his squeeze anyway. His wife (who worked at Yeo Valley Yoghurts) doesn't seem to come around much any more, but there is this other woman - jet black hair, face like a wet trout, smoker - and yes she does give off that lady of the night vibe, though it's possible she's just a slapper (if you'll excuse the phrase). He does insist on her going outside to smoke though so either a) He really cares about property values, b) He's a psycho who needs to be in control and force his new squeeze to do what he wants or c) He's having it away whilst his Mrs isn't around.
Answers on a postcard...
Sunday, 24 April 2011
Monday, 18 April 2011
The rules, the game.
When sat on a turbine, bored stiff waiting for something to do, its amazing what you can come up with to pass the time. In order to pass a few minutes this past weekend, myself and Braai Man came up with this little game that you too can play at home in order to feel somewhat more socially accepted.
Required Items:
1) Both players sit opposite each other with one disc each, with approximately 3 yards between them. Each player balances a disc on an index finger of their choice, ensuring that the finger only has one point of contact with the disc. When drunk, the finger may be substituted for a digit of your choice (preferably on the hand).
2) Having agreed on a piece of plastic that is suitable to both players, each player takes turns to knock the disc from the opposing players index finger with the plastic, by throwing it. In the interests of fair play, the player being thrown at must keep his or her disc as still as possible to prevent accusations of cheating, whilst the thrower must minimise the risk for the person being thrown at (in line with Method Statement D0120110416v6 and Risk Assessment v3.
3) The winner is the first player to successfully knock the disc off of the opposing players index finger. Traditionally the game is played in 'sudden death' mode (first knock off wins), but best of three five, seven or even nine can be played. If players wish to play best of 11, then self harm may be more your thing.
4) At all times, players and officials in the sport should make it sound far more exciting than it actually is. This should be reflected in the language used to describe the sport and the events that make up the sport, including, but not limited to stealing phrases from far more exciting sports in order to imply action, drama or intrigue. For example, each player should be referred to with their (suitably outlandish) chosen nickname (whilst the general word for a Discs competitor is a 'warrior') whilst the sport should colloquially be reffered to as the 'Sport of the Gods'.
Notes
The inaugural World Disc Championships were hold in IGG09, 25km offshore near Harwich, Sussex on April 16th, 2011. The first world champion was Richard Slaughter (WAL), who secured a 6th round knockdown vs Nick Burmeister (RSA).
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DISCS
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Required Items:
- 2 off discs (material and size irrelevant, as long as you can balance them on your index finger)
- 1 off random piece of plastic (recommended) / lead (dangerous) / sponge (silly) / nuclear waste (insensitive at the moment) / etc
1) Both players sit opposite each other with one disc each, with approximately 3 yards between them. Each player balances a disc on an index finger of their choice, ensuring that the finger only has one point of contact with the disc. When drunk, the finger may be substituted for a digit of your choice (preferably on the hand).
2) Having agreed on a piece of plastic that is suitable to both players, each player takes turns to knock the disc from the opposing players index finger with the plastic, by throwing it. In the interests of fair play, the player being thrown at must keep his or her disc as still as possible to prevent accusations of cheating, whilst the thrower must minimise the risk for the person being thrown at (in line with Method Statement D0120110416v6 and Risk Assessment v3.
3) The winner is the first player to successfully knock the disc off of the opposing players index finger. Traditionally the game is played in 'sudden death' mode (first knock off wins), but best of three five, seven or even nine can be played. If players wish to play best of 11, then self harm may be more your thing.
4) At all times, players and officials in the sport should make it sound far more exciting than it actually is. This should be reflected in the language used to describe the sport and the events that make up the sport, including, but not limited to stealing phrases from far more exciting sports in order to imply action, drama or intrigue. For example, each player should be referred to with their (suitably outlandish) chosen nickname (whilst the general word for a Discs competitor is a 'warrior') whilst the sport should colloquially be reffered to as the 'Sport of the Gods'.
Notes
The inaugural World Disc Championships were hold in IGG09, 25km offshore near Harwich, Sussex on April 16th, 2011. The first world champion was Richard Slaughter (WAL), who secured a 6th round knockdown vs Nick Burmeister (RSA).
The day, the situation.
I've only been in Lowestoft for 6 days this time, but it feels like an eternity. The sun shines merrily across the field behind my hotel room unencumbered, for there is not a cloud in the sky. But here I sit in the Travelodge Lowestoft, tethered to the most easterly of British seaside towns on my doorstep and unwilling to walk the few hundred metres to Britain's most easterly theme park (Pleasurewood Hills). Why, I hear you ask? Well I'll tell you why...
Money for one. Isn't it always to do with money? You see today is, by complete chance, an 'off day' for work. Much to Strainstall and SSE's regret, there's nothing for us to do. We may have been sent up here to work on offshore wind turbines, but when you've been working like we have, the number of turbines drops quickly. So today we have nothing to do, other than an hour or so organising tools for tomorrow, when we'll sit on a boat for half the day, waiting for our next stainless steel mistress to have her plumbing sorted so we can work again.
This leaves me with an issue. I have free time. Delightful for relaxation, rest and reading (though a 2 hour boat journey either way is also pretty useful for that), although not quite as good for NOT spending money. You see it gets boring sometimes when you work in the same place over and over. I've had at least 6 days of not working at various points here, so I know Lowestoft pretty damn well by now. I have surveyed all that I wish to (or can, at this time be bothered with), I have bought DVDs, books, muscle toners and many more items in the battle against boredom. But not a lot helps. So the temptation builds to go out and buy more.
But I can't, I mustn't. It's a flat 8.25 hours of pay today and the whole point of working 'on site' (other than to get out of the office) is to make money. Work longer hours and spend less money goes the conventional theory. I'm not buying petrol, paying for electricity (other than my fridge), paying for meals or making my flat messy. But then I'm not using my magnificent Internet connection either. No 'The Big Bang Theory', 'The Vampire Diaries' or 'House MD' until I get back to where I'm not limited to a 15gb download limit. Bugger.
At least Easter is only two work days (and a day driving) away...
Money for one. Isn't it always to do with money? You see today is, by complete chance, an 'off day' for work. Much to Strainstall and SSE's regret, there's nothing for us to do. We may have been sent up here to work on offshore wind turbines, but when you've been working like we have, the number of turbines drops quickly. So today we have nothing to do, other than an hour or so organising tools for tomorrow, when we'll sit on a boat for half the day, waiting for our next stainless steel mistress to have her plumbing sorted so we can work again.
This leaves me with an issue. I have free time. Delightful for relaxation, rest and reading (though a 2 hour boat journey either way is also pretty useful for that), although not quite as good for NOT spending money. You see it gets boring sometimes when you work in the same place over and over. I've had at least 6 days of not working at various points here, so I know Lowestoft pretty damn well by now. I have surveyed all that I wish to (or can, at this time be bothered with), I have bought DVDs, books, muscle toners and many more items in the battle against boredom. But not a lot helps. So the temptation builds to go out and buy more.
But I can't, I mustn't. It's a flat 8.25 hours of pay today and the whole point of working 'on site' (other than to get out of the office) is to make money. Work longer hours and spend less money goes the conventional theory. I'm not buying petrol, paying for electricity (other than my fridge), paying for meals or making my flat messy. But then I'm not using my magnificent Internet connection either. No 'The Big Bang Theory', 'The Vampire Diaries' or 'House MD' until I get back to where I'm not limited to a 15gb download limit. Bugger.
At least Easter is only two work days (and a day driving) away...
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